Heavy rests the head gear

By Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
February 21, 2003

Never mind how good Ben Affleck looks poured into his Daredevil costume. Let’s talk about the headgear. Why does such a fierce fighter have such teeny-tiny horns? Size must count for something, especially in the land of superheros. With that in mind, we’ve decided to dissect the functionality (and fashionability) of our top superheroes’ masks.

DAREDEVIL

Fashion statement: “I’m into leather.”

Menace factor: The itty-bitty horns atop his headgear give the illusion of a cartoon baby devil.

Breathability: Nose is free to inhale.

Protection: The upper half of his head–including his ears–is well protected from attacks, but that nice cleft chin is ripe for punching.

WONDER WOMAN

Fashion statement: Simple and chic, Wonder Woman’s headband screams, “I’m a warrior princess.”

Menace factor: Not so much. Wonder Woman’s headgear is almost tiara-like in comparison to the men’s more fierce masks. Bonus: It can also be used as a boomerang/weapon.

Breathability: Perfect. Doesn’t cover her face and hair flows freely like a Breck girl’s.

Protection: Negative. Doesn’t cover anything below her forehead.

GREEN HORNET

Fashion statement: “I’m boring.” The old-man fedora doesn’t do much to enhance this crime fighter’s simple black mask across the eyes–especially when his sidekick Kato is working that snappy chauffeur cap of his.

Menace factor: Not much, unless it’s designed to bore the criminals into submission.

Breathability: No nose obstruction.

Protection: Unless he gets feather whipped, he’s in trouble.

SPIDER-MAN

Fashion statement: “I’m not happy with my face.”

Menace factor: Ya gotta admit a completely masked man makes you wonder what kind of troll is lurking underneath.

Breathability: Must breathe through the mouth, which makes it difficult to kiss the damsels in distress.

Protection: Apparently relatively fire-proof, Spider-man’s headgear is the most durable of all the superheros.

BATMAN

Fashion statement: Depends. If Adam West is wearing it, it’s campy. If George Clooney or Val Kilmer has the leather mask strapped onto his head, it’s a little more kinky. The pointy ears are a nice, horny touch.

Menace factor: The eyes say it all. But when they’re dominated by a leather mask, it’s easier to hide your true feelings.

Breathability: The nostrils are free to inhale.

Protection: Darn good coverage.

SUPERMAN

Fashion statement: “I’m too good looking to cover up my face.”

Menace factor: Superman’s menace lies in his strength, not in his costume.

Breathability: Unfettered by any mask.

Protection: We just have to assume that his face is as strong as the rest of him.

Comments (2)

  1. Jenny says:

    Haha, this is awesome! I love this. ♥

  2. Jae-Ha Kim says:

    Thank you, Jenny! 🙂

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