The Peanut is 2-1/2 years old today

Kyle riding scooter Photo by Jae-Ha Kim

By Jae-Ha Kim
October 1, 2010

Kyle is 2-1/2 years old today and we started the day off with big tears. His and mine.

Normally the morning routine includes some playtime with daddy before Denton heads off to work and we sit down for breakfast. Today, Kyle slept in until 8:30, so Denton had already left for work. I’m not sure if that set him off, but he was in a mood. He wanted me, he didn’t want me, he wanted to go downstairs, he wanted to stay upstairs. Push. Pull.

When I calmed him down a little, I cuddled with him and took out the photo album that his foster parents had put together for him. He didn’t recognize his foster mom or dad…and that made me incredibly sad.  While his sniffles subsided, I broke down in tears. Kyle looked up at me and said, “Mommy OK?”

We quietly flipped through all the pages and near the end, he got to a photo of his foster mother holding him as they stood in front of a giant Buddha statue. Kyle pointed and quietly said, “Buddha.”

Denton and I are agnostic. His foster parents are Christians.

Kyle’s mother is Buddhist. I know that he can’t possibly know this. But it made my heart break a little.

Normally when my Peanut pitches a fit, I chalk it down to the terrible two’s he’s enjoying. He might be punished with a time out if he gets carried away.

But this morning, he seemed so sad and appeared to be grieving so hard. Grieving is a term that’s used often in the adoption world. It’s something I’m always on the lookout for, but also something that I don’t want to project onto him.

This morning, I don’t know whether it was actually him or me who was grieving. Adoption can be a beautiful process…but with that process comes great loss for our little ones who have lost everything they have ever known, including their original families. Most of us will never know that kind of heart wrenching pain.

My boy is 2-1/2 years old today. I hope that his first mother has peace in her heart.

© 2010 JAE-HA KIM | All Rights Reserved

Comments (1)

  1. amy says:

    Beautiful post, Jae. xo

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