“Bachelorman”: The art — and laughter — of the chase

Bachelorman

By Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
September 23, 2004

3 stars

Ted Davis is the ultimate player. He’s cute, but not too good-looking. He’s charming without being overly smooth. As he notes early in “BachelorMan,” Ted knows he’s not God’s gift to women, but is just optimistic enough to think they’re God’s gift to him.

Co-written and produced by Chicagoan Rodney Lee Conover, who plays one of Ted’s immature butt-munch friends, the film is a funny (and sometimes crude) look at how the male mind operates when it comes to pursuing females.

As a woman approaches, Ted scans her measurements and ring finger, and begins thinking of lines that may help him get her into bed. He fantasizes about being a super-dating stud: BachelorMan, if you will. He is full of helpful tips: Just before a date comes to your place, turn off the answering machine. Spray furniture cleaner around your doorway to give the impression that you’ve cleaned for her. If all else fails, try honesty — or something that passes for it.

A pretty woman moves in next door, and he’s both titillated and annoyed when he overhears her having sex. Without him. It’s obvious he’s drawn to her because she wants nothing to do with him. Will she snub him forever? Will he give up his BachelorMan alter ego to reach the altar? Or will he end up with the entertainment exec who’s trying to sell the network he works for new reality series like “Celebrity Breast Exam” and “Ouch, My Balls!” — featuring men who’ve been hit in their privates. You can guess the outcome, but you’ll still enjoy the ride.

The role of Ted could’ve been a caricature, but David DeLuise (yes, Dom’s kid, pictured at left) adds just the right amount of subtlety. At the end of the film, which has a surprise I never saw coming, Ted offers his No. 1 bachelor tip: Never take tips on love and romance — especially from him.

Now those are words to live by.

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