Sex, sex and more sex

By Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
June 11, 2001

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make love with your partner three to five times a week.

Now if you’re wondering how the heck you’re going to squeeze all that nooky into your busy schedule–the kids, the job, the social and community duties–perhaps you need to go on a diet, a sex diet. This concept is designed to let you have more, not less, whoopee, according to Laura Corn, in her new book The Great American Sex Diet: Where the Only Thing You Nibble On … Is Your Partner! (William Morrow, $34.95), which contains advice, recipes and calendars to kick-start your new sex life.

“I am one of 24 million women in America who have a low sex drive,” says Corn, who recently came to Chicago to share her sexy diet tricks. “It’s a problem men and women face all the time.

“You can’t just hope that things will get better. If you wanted to lose weight, you’d make time for exercise. If you wanted to go away on vacation, you’d make sure to save money so that you could afford it. Yet people say they want to have a good sex life but don’t make any effort to do anything about it. A little effort can make all the difference in the world.”

What is the great American sex diet?
You hear the title and you figure it’s got to be about food, right? It’s actually a diet of physical intimacy that includes anticipation, mystery, variety, romance, communication and excitement. One woman described it as having a surprise party planned for you all the time.

Is there a formula for great sex?
Anticipation + variety = great sex and more sex. A lot of people get into a cycle of not having sex and get used to it or resent it that their partner isn’t cooperating. Liken this to going to the gym. Is it better going once very 10 days, or three to four times a week? Everybody knows the answer to that. Sex operates the same way. Having great sex once a month doesn’t make up for all the times couples aren’t making love with each other.

Is it really anyone’s business how many times couples decide to have sex?
No, except people say they want to have more sex but don’t have time for it. So make time for it. Schedule it into your daily routine just as you would going to the gym or the grocery story.

But doesn’t scheduling sex into your Palm Pilot take the spontaneity and romance out of sex?
Not if you’re not having sex in the first place. For a couple who has been together for two years, the average number of times they have sex is once every week or 10 days.  But research shows that after they’ve had sex, they don’t regret not having folded the laundry instead. They always say they’re glad they made time for it—that they feel better afterwards. There’s something about physical intimacy that touches our soul. There’s a vulnerability to making love that comes across on your face.

You write about  building anticipation and mystery. But if you’ve been with the same partner for a few years, don’t you pretty much know everything there is to know about them?
This is why it’s important to bring anticipation, mystery and variety into a relationship. Why do you think Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are such big deals? Because you’re anticipating a day where you’re going to be surprised and pampered and treated very well. Couples need to work on that year-round. It takes more energy to come up with excuses and avoid sex than it is to have sex. When there’s that connection, it ultimately gives you more energy to do more things.

What’s your final word on sex?
Sex should not be viewed as something extra, but as something that couples need.


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