Jae-Ha Kim

Every now and then, I get an e-mail that I like to share with my readers. This is actually a letter from a reader who doesn’t like my work. And who said as much in an e-mail to one of the travel editors who runs my syndicated column. I’ve changed the names because it seems the right thing to do.

The customer is always right, especially on eBay. Thanks to eBay’s desire to attract more buyers, it’s become a perfect way for dishonest buyers to order an item, claim they never received it, complain to eBay and have the online company mediate between the buyer and the seller. And guess what? The buyer almost always wins.

Two years ago today, Denton and I landed at O’Hare with a very scared and tired baby. If you look at picture from that day, you’ll see that Denton and I are beaming–happy to be home with our adorable baby. But look closer at our son’s expression and you’ll see that he isn’t happy. He’s stunned. He went into survival mode once he realized that his foster parents–the people who had raised him since he was three-weeks old–were gone.

Kyle is 2-1/2 years old today and we started the day off with big tears. His and mine. Normally the morning routine includes some playtime with daddy before Denton heads off to work and we sit down for breakfast. Today, Kyle slept in until 8:30, so Denton had already left for work. I’m not sure if that set him off, but he was in a mood. He wanted me, he didn’t want me, he wanted to go downstairs, he wanted to stay upstairs. Push. Pull.

I am not one of those women who packs a lot of shoes. I like to travel with one carryon bag if I can get away with it. So while I may bring along a pair of fancy heels for dinners, the shoes I like to travel and sightsee in are my Merrells. Whether it’s their sneakers or sandals, I find that I can get away with just one pair. I’ve only been disappointed with their brand once when I purchased a pair of sandals that lasted barely two years before falling apart.

A few months after he had been with us, Kyle began losing his Korean and speaking predominantly English. It became most apparent when he cried for me one night, but he didn’t cry out for umma (which means mommy). He said, “Mom!” I don’t know how I feel about that. It is so hard to learn a new language when you are older, but it is so easy to forget it. Being fluent in a second language often is something you don’t appreciate until you’re no longer bilingual.

A year ago today, we received our Travel Call. That’s the adoption equivalent of a pregnant woman’s water breaking. It meant that our baby was ready to come home. Super organized me lost it and couldn’t think straight. Super cheap me actually paid a travel agent to make all the travel arrangements for Denton and me to travel to Korea. (Granted, he specializes in adoption airfare…)

One day, you and I will argue and you will get angry with me—you may even resent me and wish you had a different mother. Just remember that I let you kick me in the head and chest almost every night that you have been home with us so far. But only because you’re so cute. And even if you ever wish you had a different mother, just know that I will always be so happy and grateful that you are my son. You are my everything.

There is a sentiment that babies don’t know anything or are too young to remember. I wish this were true, but it’s not. They remember, mourn and grieve (especially the loss of their moms). We don’t want our baby to suffer, but there is no way to prevent this. There are ways to help ease the child into the transition though, and this includes keeping the baby’s world very small in the beginning.

Columnist Carolyn Hax breaks it down as to why your stay-at-home mom friends may be just a tad too busy to cater to your every need. Excellent column from a great writer.